Many often point out how our experiences are varied however, it’s also important to note there are a lot of similiarities between sangs, eros, psi, and hybrids.
One of them is what most call the Beast. Currently, many associate it only with Sanguinarians, Therians, and Weres. So we invited a psi vampire, a hybrid vampire, and an eros vampire to help shed some light on this misconception.
(Read more: The Beast Inside)
Shadow Sage: Good day ladies. Thank you for allowing us this interview. May you please tell us something about yourselves?
Alyra: My name is Alyra Immortalis and I am a hybrid vampire. I’ve been in the VC for almost seven years. I became active in the OVC about three years ago prior to taking a personal hiatus. I had my awakening at seventeen and began honing my skills with a mentor. After three years, I went solo and have spent the years since developing myself on my own. I feed on both pranic energy and blood.
I lean more towards blood however as I feel the effects are more satisfying than pranic energy. The only times I really feed psychically are when I feed tantrically and when blood is not readily available in which case I will feed directly on the pranic energy of my spouse.
One of my favorite “hold-over” methods in between full feedings is pulling from musical energy, which I have become adept at.
When it comes to psychic feeding, all in all I’m more of an ambient feeder if anything. I do not often take directly from a person as this is not my preferred method of feeding.
Eve: Hello, my name is Eve and I like to call myself a vamppagan. I am a psi vampire, all energy is capable of sustaining me whether being pranic, emotional or elemental. My personal favorite is tantric of course and is the most sufficient.
Kalii: I am best known as Kalii, I am and always have been a quiet one, I watch, I observe others. I’ve been awakened for more than 30 years now, I have evolved and changed, made discoveries about myself along the way. Very few can say they know me well. I keep to myself and my own council. I have been a leader, I have been put aside. I learn and grow constantly, knowledge of the self and our own paths takes away the conflicts seen in so many others. I travel inward a lot to see and define myself in that respect.
If I had to classify myself within the definitions known to the GVC it would be Eros. I feed primarily through sexual energy and have done since my late teens, though I was not always aware this was what I was doing and way back then I chose to feed though various other methods. Sexual energy to me feels unique and ‘tastes’ like no other, It drives me and is a massive part of both my psyche and physical self. Little seems to be understood about us and why we are this way, hopefully I can go some way to explain the ways I feel contribute to an Eros.
SS: Define the beast and what it means to you.
Alyra: I do not believe that the “beast” is a separate identity as some vampires do. I believe that it is merely our natural carnal and primal instincts that we have repressed in order to fit into the mundane world. I believe it is always with us as it is a part of us, although it surfaces more prominently at “dry” times or during other certain situations. In the animal kingdom when a predator is hungry, it hunts. That is its base instinct and it doesn’t repress them because it is its method of survival. It also doesn’t “go away” after they feed, it is a part of them at all times. It just doesn’t show all of the time. It’s the same with vampires. We have natural urges and instincts to feed on an outside source and I believe that the beast is all of the natural parts of our being that developed over our history of evolution, however animalistic it may be.
Eve: It is our darker primal nature, an extension of our true selves. It can bring the worst of you or the best of you out. I believe all beasts can be tamed and controlled.
Kalii: I shift and fluctuate, the beast inside me changes, it is constantly demanding my attention sometimes I will yield and hunt letting it take over, other times I simply push it back almost saying ‘Not yet’. It is something deep-rooted inside the soul, and as much as others may not like it I do not seek ‘donors’ If I need to feed I will. To me that is the beast. A beast does not seek out willing donors, it hunts and takes what it needs to survive. If I were to only use donors I would have become ill many times over. A starving beast is a dangerous one who takes risks to gain what it requires.
SS: Is it the same as what they call vamping out? If not, how?
Eve: This term is very misused in my opinion as it refers to feeding. The urge can vary depending on the amount desired and hence it is different and yet connected to our true selves. It’s an extension.
Kalii: No I do not see it as ‘vamping out’ I never have defined it in such a way, it is simply my own body telling me I am hungry and that ‘food’ is not what is needed. If it were ‘vamping out’ it is closely linked to the emotional side of Eros which I will talk of later.
SS: How long in between feeding do you start noticing the Beast?
Alyra: I’m always aware of it in some form or fashion, but it will usually resurface prominently around a week after having a full feeding. During the times when I don’t have a full feeding, rather resorting to minor forms of feeding to hold myself over, I feel it trickling constantly in the background although it’s manageable. After having a full feeding, it will dissipate entirely for around another week.
Eve: I notice a difference in energy and frequencies instantly as it transfers. If I over indulge, my whole body begins to vibrate as I feel the wave come over me and then I really need to stop. It’s a distinct feeling of power.
Kalii: An Eros feed can take many different forms. It is not always a classic case of direct Sexual encounters but they are the best feeds, I will give 2 examples. A direct and physical energy feed made through a sexual encounter will feed me as the sexual energy in the other builds and focuses toward orgasm, I will allow it to form helping direct it up through the other’s chakra points, guiding it if you will. Once they have reached that point, that is when I ‘breathe’ it into myself pushing it through my own chakra points and cleansing the energy releasing what I do not need.
Dreamwalking is something I have returned to again and again over the years, it is quite possibly where some of the myths surrounding Incubus and succubus stem from. I invade dreams, in a chosen astral form, I will delight and thrill the others dreams full of desire and wanting, that energy will sustain me for some days, and personally I feel like I am giving something back, knowing though I have fed from their desires in turn they wake smiling wondering about the form that just visited them and gave them such wonderful feelings.
SS: What are the physical symptoms you experience? Mental? Emotional?
Alyra: Most of the time, I do not even realize I’m doing these things when they’re happening and most have been pointed out to me by others.The effects often go unnoticed by myself until it reaches a point that it slaps me in the face. It will often surface prior to the typical vampire symptoms. The symptoms are actually very subtle in my mind and I don’t consider it a hindrance, merely a reminder to feed before the unpleasant physical symptoms sink in.
I develop a very predatory way of thinking. It’s honestly very hard to explain. It may have been one of the things that lead me to believe I may have been a therian in the early days. It’s almost an animalistic way of thinking, but it comes so naturally that I don’t almost notice it. Those close to me notice it more than I do as they will often point out that I’m acting strangely. One example is that I will often become very aggressive, disinterested, and irritable. When someone asks me what’s wrong, I’ll tell them that I’m not sure, I’m just angry. There are other examples I could list as far as my mentality goes, but this is one of the most prominent.
One of the most prominent things that I have noticed is that I will develop a mindset that I always want to eat. I will even resort to swallowing handfuls of deli meat, or anything that might get that taste out of my mouth. I’m also constantly thirsty and will down bottles of water.
Another thing that I do, that drives my wife crazy, is that I will stare at people more than usual. I don’t notice that I am doing this and I don’t know whether or not this actually has anything to do with me “beast”, but my wife points it out more during these times and she hates it. She says I stare people down and that I look like I’m sizing someone up rather than the normal calculating, soul-prying stare that I am famous for.
Another thing that I’ve noticed is my interest in sex spikes during this point. Normally, I have no interest in it what so ever. I often tell people, during my normal mindset, that I could go the rest of my life without it and be perfectly fine. During this period, however, sometimes it’s all I can think about. I usually catch myself prior to this happening as it only happens at a later stage, or after going a longer period without feeding. It drives my wife nuts as she doesn’t understand why I can’t “make up my mind”. I used to think that this was due to other personal or physical reasons, but the fact that it surfaces around the same time that all of the other symptoms do, and the fact that it goes away after feeding, tells me otherwise. Once I feed, I go back to wanting to be “celibate”.
After these symptoms occur, if I don’t do something to correct it, I start developing headaches, lethargy, and body aches, among other things.
Eve: Body vibration and shaking, rapid heartbeat, light headedness and rapid change of body temperature. I’d definitely say, all my senses become heightened. [Mental and emotional symptoms] Varies from anxiety, sexual urges and becoming hyper or becoming easily irritated, angry and on the edge.
Kalii: They tend to manifest in me in either of two ways I will eat ridiculous concoctions of food for instance most recently pickled gherkin and English mustard sandwich, even I found it disgusting. Or I will not eat at all, either way I suffer with terrible digestive problems, food is something I need but it is rarely what I want, the physical pain from this can and has made me cry with pain.
Eros are emotional creatures, we feed from a very intimate and strong set of emotions ourselves, it does not help I am highly empathic so for me it has a knock on effect, If I do not feed for even a week, I become deeply traumatized, I can sit and cry for hours wanting and needing, a touch, a caress. Words of love or passion. If it is not controlled mentally I turn insular drawing away from others, longer than a week I withdraw completely I will talk to no one. At that stage I will feel alone.
(Read more: The Beast Part 2)
SS: How do you cope? What alleviates it?
Alyra: Once I notice the symptoms, I will either resort back to ambient/musical feeding to hold myself over until I can arrange for a feeding session.
As I previously stated, it doesn’t hinder me as most of the time I barely notice. I consider it a form of early warning system, if you will.
Eve: If I over indulged, I would need to ground and rid of some of the energy. If I am craving, I simply need to sustain myself as quick as possible without over indulging. Meditation also helps.
Connecting with nature, elements and Astral feeding helps alleviate it and of course tantric feeding without over indulging will definitely bring comfort.
On a day-to-day basis, that’s how I always have coped with it. It’s coping with the need, the feel of being edgy and unsettled, mind racing and unable to switch off. Talking very rarely helps simply because there are so few of us, I created a group for Eros to talk and discuss, we are no closer to knowing what it is that changes us or has brought us to feeding in such a manner.
Any form of encounter can help, even if it is simply flirting with my customers at work. We are terrible flirts, it seems natural to us, we know what to say, we sense body language so well, we read people, we see desires in others eyes, the things they would never dare say, but we see it.
SS: Have you experienced the beast outside of feeding or not having fed for a long time?
Alyra: I notice it more outside of feeding than I do during it. I consider it to be instincts that are triggered by one thing or another. I don’t believe it only surfaces during feeding. Those that say that it doesn’t occur outside of feeding may just not be in tune with it the rest of the time, or it may not be prominent enough that they even realize it. Everyone is different and only they can speak for themselves, but whether or not they notice it, I believe it is always there in a way.
When I’m feeding in the sanguinarian fashion, I hardly notice it, although it becomes very prominent when eating a rare form of meat or something along those lines. When I’m feeding pranically, I can become almost all consumed by it. The predator aspect surfaces more, and it’s more of an over all feeling that’s very hard for me to describe. The only thing I can say about it is, as it is already referred to, beast-like.
Eve: Yes, if I over indulge.
Kalii: Yes on numerous occasions, I think Eros are by far the least understood of those of us who identify as Vampiric, we do not understand ourselves fully, our nature is myriad diversity within one body. We seem wild and untamed, mysterious and sometimes even aloof. Our own passions can make us dangerous creatures to be around, Something within us creates but also destroys, the outcome of our encounters can leave a trail of devastation or devotees .. That is the beast, it is the tide we create, a ripple effect, once we start it can cascade into an out of control minefield of souls that demand our attentions, We then become craved for, our presence sought because we have created an addict, those ties can be painful and difficult to sever. I am not a cold person, sometimes I have to be, once the desire for one has worn off I can no longer feed, then they must be free, that is the beast on another level entirely, knowing that one wants you more than anything, but you close the ‘door’ anyway.
SS: Have you used it to your advantage before? How?
Eve: It gives me a sort of elevated power, everything runs on adrenaline but I do realize I can become quite a lot to handle if I allow it to take control.
Kalii: The glamour of us and the way we can manipulate the how people see us can come in very useful indeed, we can adapt, shift and shape ourselves into what others want, maybe a form of camouflage, showing what we wish them to see.. A job interview for instance, I can read in an instant the body language given off, and adapt to make sure I am the one that is chosen, I have done this time and time again. Men, women.. No matter who, everyone has desires, learn to read the subconscious and subtle signs they show and you gain what you wish.
SS: Is there anything else that you would like to add about the Beast that we have not covered?
Kalii: Fundamentally the energy we give off attracts exactly what we need, Others are drawn to us, we want them to come to us, we need them to. What I know of myself and of Eros in general is that we question ourselves and to why our need is so different from others within the VC, why are we different, why so few? Psychic feeding or sanguine feeding just does not help us, I don’t have the answers I have searched, and asked, travelled inward and listened. My ‘Thirst’ never stops, I will always hunt, take what I need, Eros are no myth maybe we are just a subculture within another. Creatures who feed from desire itself. Primal instincts that sustain us.
There you have it folks! We thank Alyra, Kalii, and Eve for participating in this interview and showing us that despite the differences in feeding methods, it often helps to just sit down with each other and try to learn and see how our experiences are related instead of going ahead with preconceptions. There has been much division in the community lately, and though its fun to explore differences, dividing ourselves further into neat little boxes may cause schism instead of promoting understanding.
We hope our interview shed some light that aspects of vampirism, like any human experience, is not as cut and dried as it seems.